Ride it Out

Smithfields MarketI got on the train this morning feeling energised knowing that there is not much more I can do now to change last night. The lack of sleep or the McDonalds ordered at 1am or the shitty conversations.

Just have to ride it out. Continue reading

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Knowing Your Crazies

For the past few weeks, I have been sleeping with the crazies. The dreams I dream seem scripted and rehearsed scenes from my worst fears. In the past week, my man has cheated on me, ran away and ran back and that is just the my man dreams. Alongside all of this, I have lost my job, had car accidents and the worst of the worst – found mice in flat. Yet each morning, I have woken up in a huff and puff to a mice free house, feeling lost, only to find the man sound asleep and unaware of the disturbance he has caused in my subconscious. Continue reading

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I Wish Solidarity to All Women

SmileAmid all the International woman day posts on Friday, I caught myself feeling lonely. Over the last few weeks, having touched upon things like the imposter syndrome and other things, I can’t bypass this feeling. The negative and positive feelings of loneliness.

I lived on my own for about 2.5 years in Turkey and in the beginning, I often found myself feeling lonely. As time went by, I got better at being on my own and during those peek social times, I wouldn’t even care that I was alone.  I read a book, watched a film or series and I could often go to bed forgetting to lock my door. I seldom felt unsafe or alone, I felt stronger and in control. I grew to love it, the carelessness and security that come with independence was divine. Continue reading

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Cahide: The Gays In Wonderland

IMG_6075Today, I wanted to write a piece about my love of London and the diversity it thrives upon. As I typed and deleted and typed and deleted, I went back on the posts that I had written years ago.

I normally never re-post, but I really had enjoyed this particular piece. It has been one of my most popular and it is about my favourite club in Istanbul and how it made money through diversity.

Diversity in London and Istanbul are very different, and even though this post is from 6 years ago, Turkey has not changed much, maybe even retracted. But the vibrant lives and individuals mentioned in the post have made standing up for lives a stubble battle. They have rejected the norms of others and lived a life that, humour aside, can be dangerous. As much as I love, the city I was born in – I now know it needs to change. Here is a snapshot of my experience in a high-end, gay-run, nightclub in Turkey.

The man-friend in this story is the ex. The picture is from the night itself and man-lady is the cushion-tit-lady. Continue reading

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